The headless chicken that is me ...

I feel as though I've been running all day and gotten nowhere fast!

Went to the garage and had my winter tires taken off early this morning. Yes, I know it's summer but I figured that I would save on wear and tear on the all seasons since the winter ones wouldn't have lasted another winter anyhow. I dropped in on Sharon and Matthew for coffee and to some catch up after leaving the garage and then headed back my way for some errands - rations for the cats and then a stop at the bank. Came home to find that FedEx had shown up while I was gone and that now, I need to go to PAT to get the envelope. I'll do that on my way to Kevin and Myriam's, right after I drop off the larger suitcase at Julia's, who decided not to leave anything at the condo when we were in Cali in June! Then, I'll race back here and do some laundry, start medicating the cats, pack, and try to do some of the thousand of other things that still need doing.

Tomorrow, Julia has to get to the SAAQ with the young woman who is buying her car to get that paperwork sorted. And I get to see Jordan before he heads for work!

Curious to see what time we all finally hit the road ...

I went to see Kevin and Myriam one last time before I leave. I ended up crying all the way from Verdun to Anjou, where I forced myself to stop so Jordan wouldn't notice my red eyes when I went there.

"I'll be back", I keep repeating to myself. It's become a mantra of sorts. But fuck, if there's anything harder than leaving your children behind, I don't know what that thing is ...

Busy, busy, busy!!!

Yeah, I really overdid it today.

Brought Jack in to the groomers in the morning. Because Julia hadn't been overly pleased with his last visit there, I allowed her to school them on what she wanted done. We left him there and headed out to run some errands. Shopping centre for odds and ends, Mondou to pick up a collar for Molson and a leash for the cats, and into town at La Vie En Rose for some stuff that Julia needed. I dropped Julia off and headed to the groomers to pick up the pup. Although surprised at how short they'd gone, I think he looks great, that the short do will help a lot for the trip, and K agrees with me. Jack and I swung by to show Jordan and Julia and after some nonstop laughter, they both exclaimed about how horrible he looks. I still disagree. Jack also seems to love it - he was scampering around everywhere and just seems ... freer, I think.

Jack is a happy puppy!

Jack and I came home, leaving the kids to get ready for Julia's going away party with her dad's family. I sat here and thought about Julia's suggestion that I have Molson shaved for the trip; calling the groomer, I found that they could fit her in if I came straight away. Off we went! While we waited, I brought Jack to the dog park, figuring that he's race around and get it out of his system. Instead, he spent the whole time peeing and sniffing, sniffing and peeing. At least he was nice didn't try to mount the Australian sheep dog or the Samoyed who were also there! We picked up Molson and headed home. TimBit does NOT know what to make of Jack and Molson and their new cuts. And now, amazingly, my short haired cat has the longest fur in the house!

The darker portions are where her markings are - not the result of a bad clip job! And the glasses are there for perspective - she's always been incredibly tiny but it seems moreso now that she's almost hairless!

I spent the evening nursing my back and watching 48 Hours and Dateline. Murder can be SO entertaining!

Lainey's Travelling Zoo ...

Myriam texted today to ask me over. After dinner, I convinced coaxed charmed cajoled crammed TimBit into the cat carrier and loaded Jack into the car and drove over to Kevin and Myriam's. I was happy that TimBit seem glad to see Kevin again and I think that Kevin was glad to see his childhood cat for what is most prolly the last time ever. After the visit, I loaded my beasts back into the car and made plans to return again on my own. Despite knowing that I'll see them again before I leave, I teared up several times on the drive home. After getting everyone into the house again, I had myself a bit of a cry. It's a silly thing to be sad, really ... I mean, I won't really be gone; I'll be back - I've still got the boys here and then there's still the house that's here as well.

It's silly to be sad ... the boys are adults and perfectly able to fend for themselves and have been for some time now.

It's silly to be sad. It's silly and I know it's silly. But I've never left any of my kids behind and my heart feels as though it's breaking and I'm not even gone yet.

It's silly. *sigh*

* ... sniff ... *

The Final Countdown ...

I think this is what they call the homestretch. It's Tuesday morning and we plan to leave next Tuesday morning. I've still got SO much to do, none of which is getting done given that I put my back out on Sunday and it's STILL hurting like a sunnunabitch! I'm stressed about what still needs doing, I'm stressed about what won't get done, I'm stressed about the road trip, and I'm stressed about all this stressing. I typically internalize a lot but there's so much of it this time that it's overflowing.

Recently, I was telling K about the last time I moved away from Canada. The company was there to take care of ALL the paperwork (visas, customs stuff, etc) and I did nothing related to the actual move but pack clothing and make coffee for the movers (on both sides of the pond). Then there was the transition company, who facilitated everything here in Quebec and were also in Switzerland to anticipate and alleviate every possible bump in the road and then smooth over the ones that managed to make their way into our lives. This time ... there is me. Not that I don't think that I'm up to the task, just that there is so much to do! But like K keep telling me, don't sweat the small stuff and just get here!

A lot of it is simple math. The contents of the home that I have now (3 storeys, 4 bedrooms, 3 washrooms, a basement, garage, backyard shed) will never fit into the home I'm headed to (condo with 3 bedrooms, 2 washrooms). Nor should it. This is a new life and not everything from the old life should be dragged along with me. As I look around, there isn't one stick of furniture to which I feel an emotional tie, nothing that I feel the need to bring to California. There is some art, some tchotchke, some books and dish ware. In the end, some of the things I hold most dear to my heart will be in the car with me - my daughter Julia, and my animals. And in the end, two of the things I hold most dear to my heart will remain behind - my sons, Kevin and Jordan.